Thursday, July 7, 2011

An Intruder

I do not know about women, but every man has played this scenario through a million times in his head. Every new location creates the possibility of at least a dozen new scenarios. I am not talking about hitting a grand-slam in the bottom of the 9th of the World Series or making an unlikely tackle to save the Super Bowl. I am talking about something a bit more serious. What would I do if somebody tried to break into my house?

Tonight I kind of got my chance. For once, my dog proved to be worth something when he started barking around 12:30 a.m. As usual, I ignored the barks and responded like Napolian Dynamite - "Shut up Frodo! Gosh." When I got up to get water I noticed some voices outside of my bedroom window...then I saw flash lights.


I did not really think. I ran to the window, banged as loud as I could, and yelled. The men were about six inches from where my wife and I were sleeping. We were separated by single plane glass from the 1920's. They started running towards the backyard. I ran to my son's room who has windows facing the backyard and repeated my banging, yelling combo. Then I noticed something...they were cops...and there were at least 4 of them.

I ran to the backdoor and cracked it open - which I now realize was dumb. The cop yelled, "Shut up guy!" He was talking to me. In that very moment I thought, "Well, we are not going to be any safer than we are in this moment." So I started enjoying the show. Tammie urged me to call the police office to see what was going on. Apparently "four perpetrators were on the loose". They happened to head to my backyard.

I walked around in the darkness and quietness of my house from window to window. At one point I saw a cop run by with a police dog. The dog found a dude under our van. I cheered him on in my head. The cops left my house around 1:15 but returned from time to time during the night. The helicopters stopped flying around 1:45.

In reflecting upon my response I realized that my football instincts are still intact. My first reaction was to run as closely to the quarterback as possible to disrupt the play. And it worked. I guess it is time to fix my porch light that has been busted for a year or two.

UPDATE: I was about to click "PUBLISH POST" when I saw another cop car pull up to my house. I watched the guy search my yard with his flashlight. He noticed me and came to the front door. He apologized for the commotion. He told me they were chasing four taggers. You heard me correctly...TAGGERS! I nearly took out somebody who turned out to be a cop simply because four teenagers thought it would be cool to spray paint somebody's house. If San Antonio police send in the dogs and helicopters for graffiti artists I'd wonder how they respond to dangerous crimes. The dress rehearsal is over so I can put away my knife. I'm going back to bed.