10 Year Anniversary: Midnight in Tunica

Note: My bride and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage in September. I've known her 18 years. That's 3 years more than I have not known her. In the weeks that we approach our 10 year anniversary, I'll be posting mental photographs of the development of our relationship. 

Let's all agree upon one thing. Sometimes I'm a wimp. I mean, yeah, I had no problem eluding 315 pound offensive linemen or running down QB's who run 4.5 40's. But, when it came to asking my girlfriend to marry me, I was a wimp. My plan was to ask her during spring break 2003 while we were hiking at Petit Jean State Park. But as we already established, I'm a wimp.

One night we were talking at my house at 1433 Goodbar Ave, and it all made sense to me. Why on earth would I wait another moment to commit my life and my love to this woman? So I asked her to marry me. There were no waterfalls. There were no horse back rides. There were no family members creepily hiding in the bushes taking pictures. But I'll never forget staring deep into her eyes as she said yes and wept for joy. It was a beautiful moment. 

I wanted to do something spiritual to help us transition into engagement. I know, typical Coby. I suggested that we spend the evening in prayer. Even though I was certain I wanted to marry her I was still really nervous about the whole thing. As we already established, I'm a wimp.  I figured prayer would help. 

I took her home. Then I drove around Rhodes' campus with the intention of doing a solitary prayer walk for a couple of hours. About 5 minutes into my prayer walk I couldn't contain my excitement. I went back to her house, picked her up and we did what every 20 something couple does when they get engaged. We drove to Tunica, MS to check out the casinos.

While we drove we dreamed about our future together. When would we get married? Where? How many kids? Where should we live? Christ met us in the midst of our dreaming. I guess I had my spiritual night of reflection after all. 

We drove back in the early hours of the morning. She slept as we disappeared into the darkness of the Mississippi highway. My wimpy fear subsided. I knew I was home.

10 Year Anniversary: Waiting

Note: My bride and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage in September. I've known her 18 years. That's 3 years more than I have not known her. In the weeks that we approach our 10 year anniversary, I'll be posting mental photographs of the development of our relationship. 

The first few months that Tammie and I dated were exhilarating and excruciating. On the one hand, it was exciting to slowly grow closer to another person with the shared intention of seeing if we would make good marriage partners (that's the point of dating right?). It was also very painful. She was in College Station, TX and I was in 550 miles away in Memphis, TN. We went weeks without seeing one another. Though, I remember feeling like the yearning was good for me. There is much to be learning while waiting for something you want but cannot have.

That summer Tammie graduated and stayed in College Station. I got a job in Houston. We were only about 1.5 hours from one another but we were both working. Thus, we could only see each other a couple of days a week. I began to get impatient and frustrated with our predicament. Many nights I would pray "God, how can we possibly learn if we are a good match if we don't live in the same city." I never got an audible response.

Let me digress for a moment. Dating from a distance is not impossible. We did it for 6 months. However, it does skew reality. Every time the couple is together they are both full of excitement and joy. Then they go back to their respective homes and are filled with a longing to be together. The couple only experiences highs together in person. They rarely get to experience the lows and the mundane. Love is refined in the low and mundane parts of life.

One night, after I got off the phone with Tammie, I realized that what had  initially started as a helpful unqueched yearning to be together eventually became an unhealthy obsession from my end. I didn't think it would be fair to request for Tammie to move to a new city 600 miles away from her family while I finished college. So I sat, hurting in silence. Through my tears, I finally let go. I prayed, "God, I want to be in the same city. But if it isn't your will, I know it will be harmful for our relationship. I surrender her and this situation to you. I let go."

I remember feeling like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. That obsession transformed into a manageable longing. I had no expectations that anything would change. Yet, the next day, Tammie called me and said, "I'm thinking about moving to Memphis."