10 Year Anniversary: Waiting

Note: My bride and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage in September. I've known her 18 years. That's 3 years more than I have not known her. In the weeks that we approach our 10 year anniversary, I'll be posting mental photographs of the development of our relationship. 

The first few months that Tammie and I dated were exhilarating and excruciating. On the one hand, it was exciting to slowly grow closer to another person with the shared intention of seeing if we would make good marriage partners (that's the point of dating right?). It was also very painful. She was in College Station, TX and I was in 550 miles away in Memphis, TN. We went weeks without seeing one another. Though, I remember feeling like the yearning was good for me. There is much to be learning while waiting for something you want but cannot have.

That summer Tammie graduated and stayed in College Station. I got a job in Houston. We were only about 1.5 hours from one another but we were both working. Thus, we could only see each other a couple of days a week. I began to get impatient and frustrated with our predicament. Many nights I would pray "God, how can we possibly learn if we are a good match if we don't live in the same city." I never got an audible response.

Let me digress for a moment. Dating from a distance is not impossible. We did it for 6 months. However, it does skew reality. Every time the couple is together they are both full of excitement and joy. Then they go back to their respective homes and are filled with a longing to be together. The couple only experiences highs together in person. They rarely get to experience the lows and the mundane. Love is refined in the low and mundane parts of life.

One night, after I got off the phone with Tammie, I realized that what had  initially started as a helpful unqueched yearning to be together eventually became an unhealthy obsession from my end. I didn't think it would be fair to request for Tammie to move to a new city 600 miles away from her family while I finished college. So I sat, hurting in silence. Through my tears, I finally let go. I prayed, "God, I want to be in the same city. But if it isn't your will, I know it will be harmful for our relationship. I surrender her and this situation to you. I let go."

I remember feeling like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. That obsession transformed into a manageable longing. I had no expectations that anything would change. Yet, the next day, Tammie called me and said, "I'm thinking about moving to Memphis."